Masculinity Coaching is about expressing our identity as an adult man to enrich our relationships with others. Only with such emotional maturity can we live with wholesome purpose and face the world with authentic confidence. [This service is only for male autistics who are cis-gender and straight as Eric lacks lived experiences with other expressions of sexuality.]
When it comes to having autistic boyfriends and husbands, dysfunctional relationships tend to be accepted as the norm. Eric supports autistic men who wish to break this limiting stereotype by helping them understand the mysteries of masculinity and practice it in modern society.
Being manly is not about developing a body full of bulging muscles, acting like a chauvinist pig, or being able to seduce women with sweet words. Rather, manliness is about bringing out the inner qualities of the ideal male archetype, such as trustworthiness and resilience.
1) Purposeful: A manly man pursues a meaningful purpose beyond his own self-interest while attending to mundane reality. He is idealistic and ambitious but tempers it with prudence and pragmatism. He knows exactly what he wants, and he knows of achievable ways to make it happen. He lives with strategic focus.
2) Courageous: A manly man is strong on the inside. Escape is not an option; he confronts his weaknesses, fears and blind spots. When negative people attack or ridicule him, he does not take them personally. When setbacks happen to him, he reviews the situation and then quickly adapts. He takes calculated risks where failure will ruin lesser men, such as leaving a stable job to pursue business opportunities, going against the majority to advocate for what he believes in, and being honest with others about his feelings. He accepts his vulnerability.
3) Confident: A manly man accepts reality and lives with it. Rather than comparing himself with others, he focuses on making the best of his situation. When people give him unsolicited advice to try to sway him, he politely thanks them and continues with his plans. He may be severely disadvantaged, but it will not stop him. He may fail, but he shrugs it off and tries something else. He trusts in himself.
4) Proactive: A manly man leads by example, service and authenticity. He seeks to be a gift to others but is also wary not to be taken advantage of. He takes initiative to convince and lead like-minded people to change the world. He takes charge.
5) Responsible: A manly man says what he means and means what he says. He thinks carefully before making promises and then make sure he keeps them. He discharges the duties and commitments that he has to committed to doing. He can be trusted.
6) Protective Loving: A manly man understands women and is comfortable being with them. When he chooses to enter a romantic relationship, he is upfront about his needs, expectations and personal history. His woman is his – for him to protect, nurture and support. He works on making his woman feel:
- psychologically secure; someone who she can trust and depend on (like a mountain that remains the same no matter the weather)
- physically protected; someone who makes her feel safe and protected
- emotionally fulfilled; someone who is positive and enjoyable for her to be with (including the mastery of physical intimacy)
- materially supported; someone who can provide for her basic needs
Examples of what is not manly:
- You can only be happy if things go your way, feeling panic and desperate if they do not.
- You require others to agree with you, disrespecting and insulting those who disagree.
- You act based on other’s opinions (i.e. seeking their approval or rebelling against them).
- You choose certainty and security over opportunities and personal growth.
- You get upset when people question your thinking or reject your ideas/work.
- You choose to actively avoid people because you think you cannot handle them.
- You are afraid of being with and being rejected by women, especially those you are attracted to.
- You lack decisiveness; taking a long time to make decisions and often reversing them.
Only autistics who have mastered Relational Meaning are eligible to take up this coaching.
On-site Masculinity Coaching (i.e. where Eric must travel) costs SGD$220 per hour for a minimum of 2 hours.
Remote Masculinity Coaching (i.e. where Eric can work from home) costs SGD$200 per hour.