Forget about the terrorists that we read daily in our newspapers. We have our very own terrorists in our own mind. They blow up our peace, smash our relationships and kill our joy. Worst of all, they spread to the other people around us and recruit more of their own. This is how they sound like:
- “If you don’t do your homework, I will not love you anymore.”
- “If you are hiding something from me, it means that you don’t love me.”
- “You must agree with me, or else it means that you don’t accept me.”
- “If only you will do this for me, I will be happy.”
I want / wish / desire / demand / require X or else I will not be happy / peaceful / joyful. These thoughts of conditionality are Humanity’s true enemies. At the level of each individual, they sabotage our happiness and joy. At the level of our society, they divide people. At the level of our civilization, they are destroying our Planet.
On Planet Earth, people have chosen to live the concept of conditional love at a very high level, such that when many people say “I love you”, it actually means “I need you”. And when they say “If you don’t do this for me, then it means you don’t love me”, they mean “I trade you my love if you do this”. Hence, a relationship with another person is no longer about sharing a part of oneself with another. It is the wanting of something the other person (is supposed to) have, be it recognition, acceptance, intimacy, money or power. We have forgotten that love and happiness arises from within, not from without.
There are many jokes about marriage based on the idea that when we love another person, we will have to please them by adopting a false front. In other words, we must be, do and have something that goes against our principles and preferences in order to obtain love and acceptance from the other person. In this way, a marriage has became a business contract instead of the ultimate declaration of love. It has also often become a betrayal of oneself in order to be loyal to the other.
We have become so addicted to the culture of conditional love/acceptance that we have accepted it as the norm and could no longer imagine life without it. We trade our acceptance with our children, subordinates and friends. We do our best to be accepted by our teachers, bosses and parents. The closer that we are with someone, the more we trade our love. Just watch your soap operas to see what we have been teaching conditionality to each other and to our children.
We can defeat our Inner Terrorists. Firstly, use the light of Inner Honesty and Self-Reflection to reveal them. Secondly, stop requiring a condition in order to be happy or satisfied. Have preferences, not demands. These terrorists use your needs as their weapons. Once you realize that your happiness and peace has nothing to do with what is happening in Reality, their power vanishes. Thirdly, act with compassion. Just like the human terrorists on Planet Earth, there is a reason why Inner Terrorists exist. Gently examine your thoughts and you will realize their true nature.
“I need you to do the housework. I need you to tell me what you have been doing. I need you to share with me everything you have. To never leave me. To trust me. To believe me. To spend more on what I like. To spend less on what I dislike. To arrive on time. To remember my birthday. To keep your promises. To smile. To hold my hand in public. To be more outgoing. To listen to me. To spend time with me. To nurture me. To agree with me. To see that I am right and you are wrong. To know when I want to be alone. To know what I need without being told. To stop seeing people I dislike. To put me first in your life.”
